Dealing with upset

Upset is something that all of us have had or having at some point or the other. When we are upset, all we can see is that our point of view is right.

Recently I happened to have an upset with my son. I had to go out for dinner with a few of my friends at work and it required good amount of time considering travelling and the logistics at the restaurant. The minute he knew I was stepping out; he started throwing tantrums and did all possible things to keep me from stepping out. This was normal, so I spent some time with him telling him where I was going and what I needed to do and what time I would be back. But whatever I did, he did not seem to take it well. Time was running out and still I had not started. Finally, I ditched the plan of stepping out, and stayed at home. I was upset at the fact that I could not go out and my plans had been destroyed. I even shouted at my son for not letting me go. He was upset as well, because I was shouting at him and he sat there with a sad look on his face, sometimes crying.

The next day , my son woke up and was back to his normal self, running around , talking to me as if nothing happened. I was still upset with him. Normally I would take my time to get ready . This day , I was up early and got ready early and left home early than usual. When my son came out to see me off, I did not respond to what he was asking, but simply said “Bye” and left. 

This is something we all do when we are upset with someone. Whether it is mom/dad/sibling/special-friend/spouse etc, most of the time we say nothing’s wrong but within ourselves, our world is upside down. We take revenge by not talking or not responding properly, or doing something that we normally don’t do. The actions can vary , but the underlying point is that we tend to prove a point to the other person which amounts to saying “See, I am upset becos of u” and we make sure that the other person feels bad.

Where does this all lead to? Ultimately a strained relationship . I looked back and reflected on what happened , I realized that I was being silly and punishing my son silently for no mistake of his. All he wanted was for me to be with him. I could not understand it at that time.

I went back home and apologised to him and hugged him and gave up my upset.

We always have a choice to hold on to the upset life long or to give it up and create something new in the place of upset. There is nothing right or wrong here, but purely a choice.