Dealing with upset

Upset is something that all of us have had or having at some point or the other. When we are upset, all we can see is that our point of view is right.

Recently I happened to have an upset with my son. I had to go out for dinner with a few of my friends at work and it required good amount of time considering travelling and the logistics at the restaurant. The minute he knew I was stepping out; he started throwing tantrums and did all possible things to keep me from stepping out. This was normal, so I spent some time with him telling him where I was going and what I needed to do and what time I would be back. But whatever I did, he did not seem to take it well. Time was running out and still I had not started. Finally, I ditched the plan of stepping out, and stayed at home. I was upset at the fact that I could not go out and my plans had been destroyed. I even shouted at my son for not letting me go. He was upset as well, because I was shouting at him and he sat there with a sad look on his face, sometimes crying.

The next day , my son woke up and was back to his normal self, running around , talking to me as if nothing happened. I was still upset with him. Normally I would take my time to get ready . This day , I was up early and got ready early and left home early than usual. When my son came out to see me off, I did not respond to what he was asking, but simply said “Bye” and left. 

This is something we all do when we are upset with someone. Whether it is mom/dad/sibling/special-friend/spouse etc, most of the time we say nothing’s wrong but within ourselves, our world is upside down. We take revenge by not talking or not responding properly, or doing something that we normally don’t do. The actions can vary , but the underlying point is that we tend to prove a point to the other person which amounts to saying “See, I am upset becos of u” and we make sure that the other person feels bad.

Where does this all lead to? Ultimately a strained relationship . I looked back and reflected on what happened , I realized that I was being silly and punishing my son silently for no mistake of his. All he wanted was for me to be with him. I could not understand it at that time.

I went back home and apologised to him and hugged him and gave up my upset.

We always have a choice to hold on to the upset life long or to give it up and create something new in the place of upset. There is nothing right or wrong here, but purely a choice.

Make it Happen

Most of us when we want some work to be done , we analyse if its urgent or important. If it falls in either of the category, then we make sure it gets done at all costs. And there are those tasks which are not of importance, but if that work was done, a sense of satisfaction would be there.  We tend to trade satisfaction because of lack of time or there are lots to be done. The reason may vary and are aplenty.

For me , it was always a desire to be able to wear sunglasses during summer. For those who know me and have seen me, I wear spectacles and a high power one. Removing the specs would make me blind as a bat. I did try out wearing sunglasses, but did not really work out. So, the only way I thought was to get a laser operation done and then wear sunglasses. This process would involve time and money to the extent of INR 35K. This matter became a nice to have and I chose to live with it.

Few weeks back , again these thoughts came. I was driving from Chennai to Bangalore and it was around 2PM, the sun blazing down and reflection all over from the road. That time I felt the real need to have sunglasses and I was determined to make it happen. (BTW, some of my friends have nicknamed me as "MIH" guy aka "Make It happen")

I looked at ways of getting a sunglass which I can use. Finally after less than 2 weeks , I had got a sunglass made which had both power and the sun protection. NowI can drive without having to guess whats in front of me :-D

Disciplined driving... hill driving

Most of us have either driven on the hills or have been in a car/bus going up or down a hill. The roads are narrow, steep at times, and there are these sharp turns called 'hairpin' curves, which require special attention and certain amount of dexterity.

The rule of the hill driving is

1. never overtake on curves 
2. always give way for upward traffic

Most of the time , people drive on hills as they would on the plain terrain. Couple of hours back I was on my way , driving down the hill from Coonoor to Coimbatore. This is 2-lane road and is used by vehicles coming up as well as going down (In some hills, there are separate ways to go up and come down. example Tirupati-tirumala) . 

Its so depressing to know how people drive in the hills. And most of them happened to be educated people. Not toforget are the taxi drivers who know these roads as they have frequently driven , but that does not give them any liberty in breaking the rules of hill driving. 

High time we had different kinds of license/measures to ensure safe journey on the hills. 

Cheers

K