Dealing with upset

Upset is something that all of us have had or having at some point or the other. When we are upset, all we can see is that our point of view is right.

Recently I happened to have an upset with my son. I had to go out for dinner with a few of my friends at work and it required good amount of time considering travelling and the logistics at the restaurant. The minute he knew I was stepping out; he started throwing tantrums and did all possible things to keep me from stepping out. This was normal, so I spent some time with him telling him where I was going and what I needed to do and what time I would be back. But whatever I did, he did not seem to take it well. Time was running out and still I had not started. Finally, I ditched the plan of stepping out, and stayed at home. I was upset at the fact that I could not go out and my plans had been destroyed. I even shouted at my son for not letting me go. He was upset as well, because I was shouting at him and he sat there with a sad look on his face, sometimes crying.

The next day , my son woke up and was back to his normal self, running around , talking to me as if nothing happened. I was still upset with him. Normally I would take my time to get ready . This day , I was up early and got ready early and left home early than usual. When my son came out to see me off, I did not respond to what he was asking, but simply said “Bye” and left. 

This is something we all do when we are upset with someone. Whether it is mom/dad/sibling/special-friend/spouse etc, most of the time we say nothing’s wrong but within ourselves, our world is upside down. We take revenge by not talking or not responding properly, or doing something that we normally don’t do. The actions can vary , but the underlying point is that we tend to prove a point to the other person which amounts to saying “See, I am upset becos of u” and we make sure that the other person feels bad.

Where does this all lead to? Ultimately a strained relationship . I looked back and reflected on what happened , I realized that I was being silly and punishing my son silently for no mistake of his. All he wanted was for me to be with him. I could not understand it at that time.

I went back home and apologised to him and hugged him and gave up my upset.

We always have a choice to hold on to the upset life long or to give it up and create something new in the place of upset. There is nothing right or wrong here, but purely a choice.

Make it Happen

Most of us when we want some work to be done , we analyse if its urgent or important. If it falls in either of the category, then we make sure it gets done at all costs. And there are those tasks which are not of importance, but if that work was done, a sense of satisfaction would be there.  We tend to trade satisfaction because of lack of time or there are lots to be done. The reason may vary and are aplenty.

For me , it was always a desire to be able to wear sunglasses during summer. For those who know me and have seen me, I wear spectacles and a high power one. Removing the specs would make me blind as a bat. I did try out wearing sunglasses, but did not really work out. So, the only way I thought was to get a laser operation done and then wear sunglasses. This process would involve time and money to the extent of INR 35K. This matter became a nice to have and I chose to live with it.

Few weeks back , again these thoughts came. I was driving from Chennai to Bangalore and it was around 2PM, the sun blazing down and reflection all over from the road. That time I felt the real need to have sunglasses and I was determined to make it happen. (BTW, some of my friends have nicknamed me as "MIH" guy aka "Make It happen")

I looked at ways of getting a sunglass which I can use. Finally after less than 2 weeks , I had got a sunglass made which had both power and the sun protection. NowI can drive without having to guess whats in front of me :-D

Disciplined driving... hill driving

Most of us have either driven on the hills or have been in a car/bus going up or down a hill. The roads are narrow, steep at times, and there are these sharp turns called 'hairpin' curves, which require special attention and certain amount of dexterity.

The rule of the hill driving is

1. never overtake on curves 
2. always give way for upward traffic

Most of the time , people drive on hills as they would on the plain terrain. Couple of hours back I was on my way , driving down the hill from Coonoor to Coimbatore. This is 2-lane road and is used by vehicles coming up as well as going down (In some hills, there are separate ways to go up and come down. example Tirupati-tirumala) . 

Its so depressing to know how people drive in the hills. And most of them happened to be educated people. Not toforget are the taxi drivers who know these roads as they have frequently driven , but that does not give them any liberty in breaking the rules of hill driving. 

High time we had different kinds of license/measures to ensure safe journey on the hills. 

Cheers

K

Silence speaks a lot.

Many a times I find myself in a situation where I want to say a lot of things, but then feel its better not to say all those. And I keep thinking whats the best thing to say and finally end up saying nothing. Many a times I do get shouted at for being silent and non-reactive. :-|

Especially when someone loses their close ones , I find it tough to say anything. Most of the things goes on in mind. "What do i say?" , "What do i do?" Whatever I say or do will not necessarily undo anything that has happened. And sometimes , the best way to show you care is to be "Silent".. "Silent" in quotes because, on the external appearance I am quiet, but there is that internal voice which keeps going on and on.

At that moment I feel that I should say something to prove/show that I care. But on the contrary , being silent and jus being with the other person says a lot about the love and care one shows.

Cheers
K

Manic Monday or a Amazing Monday

Hola!!


Was reminded about the song "Just another Manic Monday" by the Bangles group.


Weekend gone and here comes another week. Back to work (or school/college). Ever noticed how quickly the weekend goes? Even before you notice, its gone!! And then we are eagerly waiting for the next weekend to come :-).


If you observe, you would notice that as Friday evening comes closer, most of us are charged up , excited and raring to go :-).Why? Coz the weekend's coming and its party time... And also as Sunday evening approaches, the mood slowly changes (as if getting ready for a war or battle) and all you want to do is sink into the couch and   get rest as much as possible, or start preparing for Monday morning. One classic example is my son. If I ask him to finish off his homework on friday evening, he would say "Dad, tomorrow is saturday. I will do the homework on sunday" :-) .. And on sunday evening, just as he is about to hit the bed, he remembers and it takes a whole lot of effort from all of us to get his homework done :-).


Though I took the example of my son, most of us have similar experiences :-)..


And there are some of them who eagerly look forward for Mondays. For example, couple of years back , I used to look forward to Mondays. I had lots of friends at work and it was fun to be with them. And over the weekends, they had their own stuff to do and since I was staying away from family, I did not have much to do over the weekend. So, ultimately it all boils down to what is the context for the near future.


Imagine, you are supposed to go on a date 2 days from now. From this moment till you actually go out, it would seem that the days are going too slow and you cant wait for 2 more days. On the contrary, consider you are going out of town and would not be meeting the person you love for a month or so, then you would feel that the days are shorter (though in both cases the day is of 24hrs only :-) ) .


So, in short, our actions/emotions/feelings are totally totally based on the context that we have for the near future. It could be an empowering context , which makes u charged up ,excited!! or on the other hand, it could be an dis-empowering context, which could make you sulk ..


Well, another fresh week is here and the world looks bright and beautiful. 


Have a GREAT week ahead :-) and specially to my friend for whom this is a much awaited week.


Cheers
K

Degree Kaapi

It was lunch hour and after a decently long meeting, I was looking forward to have a sumptuous lunch. As i was driving through the roads of chennai, I realised that I was near Mylapore, and the obvious choice of eatery was the famous Karpagambal mess.

So, off I went navigating the always-oh-so-crowded mada street until I reached the destination. As I sat there, waiting for my food to arrive, I happened to notice the price list that was put up on the wall. I started going through each item in that list. I stopped at the third one which read "Degree Kaapi" . 

I have heard the term quite a number of times (thanks to my Grandma) , but never really ventured to find more about it. Sitting here , waiting for food and nothing better to do, I did a search for "Degree coffee" on my mobile. What I found was really interesting which i will share in a moment.

In this age of "Coffee Days", "Barista", "Java City", I think its a good idea to know a bit about Coffee or Kaapi.

So, I had this question "Why is it called Degree Kaapi". Came across a few explanations . 

1) Coffee prepared with "degree" milk (milk of good quality as measured by a lactometer) was called degree coffee

2)  when coffee is decocted for the first time, it is called as the first degree or simply as the "Degree Coffee".

My thoughts and reading was interrupted by the arrival of my food :-)

There is a whole lot of detail that is available @ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_filter_coffee.

Kaapi enjoy maadi

Cheers

K

Awaiting Eagerly......

I am sure most of us have had this experience at one point or other. The presence of a loved one is most felt in his/her absence. I am going through that experience right now. Its vacation time , Schools shut , that time of the year when kids have a gala time and parents (well most of them), otherwise :-) ..

Its hardly been 3-4 days since my son has gone on vacation to his G'pa's place, and it seems that he has gone for a longer time. Much of the time he was here, we were mostly wrestling over something , sometimes playing, some good times, some otherwise.. And now when he is gone on vacation (even if its for a few days), the void created cannot be explained but only experience . This is true with every relationship, especially if the other person is someone whom we dearly love :-) .. Interestingly , that person is more often in our thoughts when they are away. More because we are thinking if they are thinking about us, or maybe not, missing us or not..Whatever it is, i know he is having a good time at his G'Pa's..

I remember a similar incident that happened a few years ago when my son was 3 yrs old and I had returned home after spending a month away from home. I guess these little ones have instincts. He was there at the doorsteps even before I could ring the doorbell :-) .. I still remember that moment. On seeing me , he jus came running and hugged me tight . He held on for a good minute or two .. Amazing!!! mabbe as kids we would have done the same.. Somewhere in the process of growing up , we have suppressed that display of affection ..

Waiting for the day when he would be back from his vacation.. ( and we can resume what we were doing.. having fun) ..

Cheers
K